The Unsettling Questions...

Today Kanika came back from her office little early. She made some sandwiches for her dinner and comforted herself on couch in front of the TV. She changed almost all channels but couldn’t find any interesting show to watch. She had some shopping to do but she delayed that on weekend as she was not willing to step out of her home after an exhausting day at work. Playing some songs of her customised playlist, she ate her dinner. While she was having dinner, her phone vibrated many times to give the notification that there might be some whatsapp messages but today Kanika was not interested in chatting with friends. Last two years were very difficult for her and had completely transformed her. She always tried to keep herself more and more busy. Even when she was unwilling to go out and hang out with friends, she did so because she wanted herself to be extremely busy with everything and anything so that her heart could never peep in the past. Inspite of trying very hard to heal herself she knew the fact that the pain was still there. All she kept on doing since two years was simply bandaging the wound without thinking whether she was healing or not.

Today she took some liberty and allowed herself to take a stroll in her memory lane. She thought about those wonderful days spent with him and she remembered how wonderful she felt when he used to be around. Since, most of the time they were together it was a long distance relationship, everyday she used to wait for his call and those few minutes spent with him used to be the best part of her days. She considered herself to be the luckiest girl on the planet. They did all silly things together. They planned how they wanted their wedding to be like... also the names of their kids were decided. She remembered all those (fake) promises he made to keep their relationship intact. Kanika never even in her dreams thought that one day she would find the guy of her dreams whom she would never want to lose. Initially observing other couples, she was quite cynical about relationships and marriages but he changed her perceptions for a while and made her fall badly in love with him without giving a trace of the idea that all this was a big fat lie. Why someone should fake a relationship? What he achieved by breaking her heart? Being friends is the first step of every relationship and friends never lie to each other. What made him shut off her from all means through which she could contact him? Why did he lie even if he was not in love with her anymore? He appeared to be so mature and understanding during their companionship that still sometimes Kanika wonders what wrong she might have done that such a beautiful relationship ended. Those numerous I Love You messages, long chats on calls, dreams to live together, promises to support each other in all odds... Was it all fake? How can a person lie for two years? All her feelings and respect for him appears as a big joke to her now... She realized that she lived 2 years not in a relationship with a guy but with a big lie and she cannot process any reason why all this happened to her. Looking back she remembers herself as a big fool who can be easily cheated. Was it her mistake that she put trust in him? Kanika never wanted to end the relationship then why she was forced to? If being together was a mutual consent then why separation was one person’s decision?

All these questions looped in her brain and she knew she’ll never get her answers. She wished happiness for him and hugging her little minion pillow dozed off on the couch.