A letter to my unmarried self.

Hello Mimansa,

It's Feb 2022 on this side and I am writing to you in 2017, I just want to let you know a few things before you plan your wedding with that cute guy you are dating these days. I know you are pretty serious about him and he also wants to take the relationship to another level but before you freeze the dates, Please read below.

Postpone marriage: Just because the weddings are very exciting, Don't simply jump into this commitment. Build yourself first. Design the life of your choice. Explore your potential to the fullest. Establish yourself to an extent that later on, you don't have to alter your choices as per circumstances. Till you don't find yourself at this stage postpone the big day. Believe me, you will thank me.

Understand marriages generally are not equal: In Indian households, a woman's role is prominent. Women do chores as their 'duty' and men seldom contribute to chores as 'help'. In no time will your career become secondary, your primary job will involve cooking, cleaning, and caring for people who hardly care for you. yes! It's a trap. The sacrifices and compromises you will make to settle in your husband's home will clearly not make you happy. It's not a good idea to plunge into something which involves the risk of losing yourself in trying to be a good 'bahu'/ 'biwi'. No matter what but when you'll see that your partner is enjoying the same privileges as he used to before marriage but your life has changed upside down, it will not be a very nice feeling.

You are a single child. Choose your parents before anyone else's: You are what you are today because of the efforts of your parents. They took care of you since the time you were a tiny dot. your husband's parents cannot transform into your parents after the wedding day. Have a clear demarcation in these relationships. Your priority should always be your parents. In laws especially of the guy side feel very entitled and may put you on a test all the time. They may want you to prove your worth by putting maximum efforts and doing as many sacrifices as you can in name of duties. If we are to talk about the duties of younger generation in context of their responsibility towards the older generation, I firmly believe that the first liability is on biological children (male/female) and not on daughters in law. But our society loves a setup where men get wives as caretaker of their parents but they have no liabilities towards wives' parents. Often, the would be in laws say this cliched line that we will treat you as a daughter. Don't get carried away with these words. Understand this and control your urge to become someone's ' bahu nahin beti '. It can surely backfire. Just be the daughter of your house. Your parents come first.

Don't change the geography: Moving cities for work is ok but for marriage its not a good idea. Remember, the house you are moving to will not be like your home and people with whom you will live will not be like your parents and friends. It is going to be extremely hard living there. Also the support system which you have in your city may not be there in other. On your bad days you may miss the warmth and comfort of your home and city. You will miss those moments with friends. saying Goodbye to all these will be like saying Goodbye to yourself. Think! before you decide.

Picture: This was shot in 2017 where I did a makeup trial before the wedding day.